Courage on Display in "This Is My Brave" at NVC
“Say what you want to say.
Let the words fall out.
I want to see you be brave!”
Those are the words that Martina Sanchez will sing in the opening number of "This Is My Brave" a concert of poetry, song and dance devoted to removing the stigma of mental illness.
I had the very sweet pleasure of attending their rehearsal where I saw these kids courageously express their despair, their frustration and their hardships, but ultimately, their triumph over debilitating, unjust challenges that would destabilize most adults. Their songs, poems and dances are all composed by them, specifically for this show, and illustrate how resilient young people can be.
Each one of them seemed like some angelic being, that had been plopped down in the Earthly dirt and dust, and have had to tangle with the human condition. Their performances are delicately intimate. They make public feelings that are often private, offering insight to pain and suffering that is taboo or is swept under the rug. Through the airing of these insecurities before a live audience, they conquer them, are made stronger by them, and are able to proceed in their lives more confidently than before. And they put on a pretty good show.
Michael Rueprecht is only 20. He suffers from Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) and gives a talk about his diagnosis and how he has overcome it. His piece ends with an arresting poem that viscerally communicates what it’s like inside his mind when he is in the throws of his disorder. "This Is My Brave" has given him a venue in which he can air that experience and create greater visibility for the OCD community. He said, “OCD is not the butt end of a joke. Nobody talks about the real side of OCD. "This Is My Brave" is a wonderful platform to get that word out, because that is a huge part of the battle.”
Sasha Johnson who is 16, African American and attends Vallejo High School, sang an original song about her depression. It was soulful and delicate. She was like a diaphanous angel, hovering there before us, her eyes closed, and her voice floating up into the audience. Johnson told me after the show that the stigma around mental illness is especially acute in the African American community. She said, “you can’t be depressed as a black person. A lot of African Americans do feel that, but, it’s looked at like you’re having a bad day, or you’re just mad. Not a lot of people know that or acknowledge it. For me to do that, to let it out, and put it out there, I feel like it will be good for other African Americans to hear that.”
Elizabeth Berdak is in her second semester at NVC. Her illness stems from having been sexually abused by a neighbor when she was 9. She has overcome depression and an eating disorder in her journey toward mental health. For her, the two things that have most aided her recovery are forgiveness and her spirituality. “I think the biggest thing in my healing journey that helped me was forgiveness. And realizing that I needed to forgive the people that hurt me, and said negative things to me. That person is not necessarily going to apologize. You can’t necessarily rely on an apology from someone else to mend your pain, and that was how I found that spirituality, and having a spiritual relationship with God helped me.”
Cynthia Palacios-Rubio, a 23 year old English major at NVC, is using the venue to speak out about her depression that stems from the challenges she has faced from domestic abuse and body image issues. Her ex-boyfriend would terrorize her, and the pain of that would prevent her from getting out of bed. After jettisoning the relationship, she found a man who made her feel wonderful. But now he is delayed in getting a green card, and the threat of losing him further exacerbates her depression. She said, “my essay is more on the political side of things. But I also talk about an abusive relationship. I’m never going to say I’m sorry. The truth is, my own country is hurting me. Me and hundreds of other people when it’s their right. You need to be with the person you love. And that’s why I like ‘This Is My Brave.’”
Kevin Valdovinos, a junior at Vintage High, identifies himself as Chicano and also has a political message. He is a writer and poet, and his pen name is Kevin X, the “X” representing the unknown in an algebraic equation. “You don’t know what it is until you solve it,” he said. He realized that he identifies more with the indigenous natives of Mexico than he does with Mexico’s Spanish colonizers despite his European last name, hence the “X”. Also, in the hypermasculine Chicano culture in which he grew up, being a writer is not an accepted male vocation. His rap-like poem expresses both of those frustrations.
Emily Long, a very mature 15 year old, attends American Canyon High School. She wrote and performed a poem called “One Year Ago” about dealing with her year long bout of depression. She said, “A year ago, I saw the world in colors that weren’t the same. Now that I am here, the world is in different colors. In my poem that is how I was trying to portray how far I’ve come from how low I was. Speaking about it really ends that chapter by putting to rest those demons in my head. I finally feel like I can move on.”
Martina Sanchez, a 16 year old junior at Napa High, who sings the opening song, Sara Bareilles’ “Brave,” does not suffer from mental illness but knows a lot of people who do. Her participation in the show sends a very clear message about how she feels: “I want the message to get across that there is hope, you can be brave, you can ask for help. It’s not weak to understand that you need help. It’s not a crime to want help. It’s not a crime to try to be brave even if you don’t feel like you are.”
Chris Marks, perhaps the most talented dancer Napa has produced in half a century, performed a piece they choreographed themself. It was at once terrifying, and ecstatic. With the frenetic, explosive movements of their body, they evoke the pain, suffering and confusion their depression has caused.
The show closes with a performance by The Turtlenecks, a classic rock band composed of front man Joey DeNatale, who also starred in Lucky Penny’s recent production of Xanadu Jr.; guitarist Joe Collar, bassist Tobias Burgett and drummer Micah Eisenberg. They are all freshmen at Napa High and do a mean cover of Green Day’s “Blister in the Sun.”
"This Is My Brave" was brought to Napa in 2017 by producer Kristine Haataja and her colleagues from Leadership Napa Valley. She said, “one of the beautiful things about this show is that our cast members develop a sense of community and support with each other. I'm very proud of our cast and their candor, and I hope that these relationships continue. Many of our 2017 cast members say that being part of 'My Brave’ was one of the best things they ever did for their own mental health.”
Jennifer King, Chair of Arts and Humanities at NVC is proud to have "This Is My Brave" be the centerpiece of this year’s Emergence Festival, an arts series devoted to giving voice to those who may be marginalized or underrepresented. She said, “here we have this incredible group of individuals who are speaking with such incredible courage that we as a society don’t always talk about.”
After the performance, we all sat down and the kids told me what they have learned from their journey. They spoke with the self-assured authority of someone who had mastered a skill. They were warriors who had triumphed. They were open and honest, and all were hopeful.
In a world where economics, politics, and medicine grow more complicated by the day, it’s refreshing to see young people lean in to the challenges presented by those things, and emerge stronger, wiser and happier.
“This Is My Brave” premiers at 2PM, February 8th at NVC, with an encore performance at the St. Helena Performing Arts Center February 9th at 2PM. You can get tickets at performingartsnapavalley.org. General admission is $20, students are $10.
